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Her main concern is that newbies can put themselves in danger.All those rules—summed up by the oft-repeated community mantra "Safe, Sane, Consensual"—are vital to making risky practices like bondage and the infliction of pain safer.

But the kink community is less than enthusiastic about that.“I’m not looking forward to it,” says Autumn Lokerson, a BDSM blogger and self-identified submissive.

That’s because Lokerson has seen many converts dive headfirst into BDSM, without taking much time to educate themselves about the elaborate rules, rituals, and culture that have developed over decades.

The thread can still be viewed in its anonymized version by registered Fetlife users.

Many of the stories shared on Fet Life are horrific.

In 2011, Kitty Stryker, a blogger and longtime member of the BDSM community, spoke out about having her negotiated boundaries repeatedly violated by people she trusted.